can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
