You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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