we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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