Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I want a musical about memes.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
