I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My vagina is officially offended.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
