i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
