dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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