i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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