my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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