I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
