So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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