Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
