I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
