I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
