I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
