I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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