I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
