She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Pappa wants mamma naked
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
