She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
