No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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