Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
