after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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