So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
