Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
