chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
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