I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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