There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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