I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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