her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
