I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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