I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
