I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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