He is an equal opportunity slut.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
