And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I am mentally ready for anal.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
