i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
