wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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