After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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