Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
