and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
