Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
