There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
