so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
