peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
