thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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