If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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