Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Operation Purity has been aborted
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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