i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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