I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
