i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
