Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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