i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
