where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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