Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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