my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
