he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
