I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
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